My Drug of Choice

This week’s butterfly

My drug of choice is 100% distraction. I can’t drink because it gives me headaches and messes with my sleep, and other recreational drugs have always scared me way too much to try them because of my Mom’s schizophrenia. I realllllly value my brain that works pretty well most of the time. So instead of sitting with and feeling my feelings I distract myself. Are there people who are able to feel their feelings in healthy ways? Can they recognize them and sit with them and not be totally consumed. Is that actually helpful? Or is it more helpful to stuff your feelings away and wallpaper your bathroom which is how I spent the previous week? It was working great until I ran out of wallpaper and now I have to deal with my feelings and a half wallpapered bathroom. Just kidding, I am dealing with the half wallpapered bathroom but not with my feelings. While I wait for the second roll of wallpaper to come in I signed up for an online design course to hurl myself into and focus on that for a while. You’ll also find me scrolling, drawing, streaming, numbing.

My pastor John texted me while I was writing this. He asked if I would be open to him, “praying for my healing and possibly annointing”. To which I rolled my eyes. Bless you John but God has more important things to do. It’s not a big deal, the doctors and science are going to do their thing and it will be fine or it won’t and it’s all out of my control anyway. Wouldn’t you rather help wallpaper my bathroom?

John would probably gladly help wallpaper my bathroom, but also he would like to bring this illness before God and ask for my healing and annointing because he cares for me and believes that God does too. It’s what he has to offer and that is a blessing in and of itself, all faith healings aside. Oh boy, here come some feelings.

And also I genuinely hope that he wants to pour oil on my head for a literal annointing, I’ve never seen or experienced that. You all can come if you want.

Some things I liked this week:

Julia Turshen usually writes recipes but this week she went off script and shared the delightful new addition of a bird to her family. It reminded me that online you don’t have to present yourself as a brand, you can be a whole person and share all the weird beautiful human things that make life worth living.

The ladies of Sight Unseen asked some designers to give the AI art program Dall-E some prompts to see what they came up with. Basically you write some words and Dall-E makes some images based on what you feed it. The results were fascinating.

I have used removepaywall.com to read a bunch of articles that were behind paywalls. You just type in the articles website and it will take you to an archived version of the article.

This Homebody print from Amanda Jane Jones, one of my favorite designers.

Another great fashion follow on instagram Shokotatara. But honestly I mostly just wear leggings these days.

Bye! Thank you for being here.