My Achy Breaky Heart
The heartbreak of Grandfriends Day
There is one school event that without fail sends me into an emotional spiral with big feelings and too many tears. I’m fine on birthdays, holidays, anniversaries of death but grandfriends day makes me feel loss so acutely. It feels designed to make my kid aware of the family he’s missing, and it makes my heart ache. It’s a reminder of the support that we don’t have and it is my least favorite day of the year.
You’re supposed to invite a grandparent or grandparent like figure in your kids life to attend school for the day. Both of Elliott’s grandmothers have passed away, I don’t have a relationship with my dad and Jason’s family lives in Alabama. I’m an only child and the closest family I have lives over 3 hours away and would have to take off work for an event like this. I don’t feel comfortable asking that of Elliott’s great aunt’s and second cousins. We also don’t have anyone close by that we could send with Elliott where he wouldn’t be confused as to why we’re sending them to school with him. It fells pretty bleak. It’s really hard to be raising a kid without a robust family system and somehow grandfriends day is the straw that breaks this mom’s back.
E’s school sends out cheerful e-mails about the event that say, “don’t worry, if your child doesn’t have anyone to attend they will be included”. But included doesn’t mean that they won’t feel sad. Last year Elliott was one of three kids in his class to show up alone, and at the end of the day he was super bummed. Duh. I wanted to avoid that this year so Jason invited his dad, the last grandparent standing, which is a really big ask since he lives in Alabama. He wasn’t able to make it, so I decided to sign myself up to go with him so at least he wouldn’t be alone. They reached out and told me I couldn’t come.
Do you see how this places a larger burden on the families who have the least support?! People without close families have to mourn and patch something together when they are already the ones who may need more help.
And, just so you know, if you write emotional texts and emails about this topic instagram will think you’re a foster child and start sending you advertisements like this:
Friends I have cried so much over this stupid event over the past month. We skipped grandfriends day and went to a bookstore. I wrote a long email to the head of the school. And I feel like I need to start coming up with a plan for next year already because this year sucked. I don’t know, that’s what’s heavy on my heart this week. If you see me around with puffy eyes that’s why. Me and my achy breaky heart.
Sending love to those who know these feelings or just have big feelings that they hate wrestling with.
Love you.
I saw this on Gretchen Rubin’s instagram page and I guess it’s why I’m pouring out my heart today.
Some happier things but also first one more sad thing
I feel like it would be wrong to send out this whiny e-mail without acknowledging that there are literal wars starting in other countries. My heart is broken for the families of those whose loved ones have died and are being held at ransom in the Israel/Hamas conflict.
I just listened to an interview on the Everything Happens Podcast with NT Wright. I mention this podcast so often because it’s about this brokenness we all experience. NT Wright is a biblical scholar, so this is from a Jesus-y perspective. I find comfort in hearing them wrestle with pain.
I got coffee with Sarah from Mousetrap Vintage. She is a great instagram follow. We decided that we want all our friends to have newsletters so we can all gush about our feelings and favorite things.
I mentioned Roald Dahl last week and I thought I should mention that if you liked his books growing up you may enjoy his memoirs as an adult. They are really wild. Boy and Going Solo.
Eating baked ziti and carrot cake for Jason’s birthday today. So thankful for Jason and our little family. He’s had to sit through some emotional rants this month and he is such a kind reassuring stable ear.
Feeling so thankful that there’s a new season of the Great British Baking show on Netflix. It’s the fall comfort watch that I desperately needed. I think I’m rooting for Abbi.
I finished reading the book Homecoming. It reads like a BBC murder mystery. It’s a slow burn.
I’ve started doing this journal exercise about my fears every now and then and I find it helpful. Basically you just write,"I have fear that…” and then list out all your fears and then at the end you write “I am now ready and ask that you, God, remove these fears. I pray to know your will for me today and to have the strength to carry it out”. I think it has its origins in AA. It helps me recognize my fears and acknowledge that I don’t have to control them. It makes me feel 1% less crazy.
Big thanks to Madalyn and Emilie who bought prints this week.
My Shop: phillycornerstore.bigcartel.com
E-mail: halestormenator@gmail.com